Editor’s Note: We at SFBAM love friendships! Join us at events in and around the Bay Area or connect here by becoming a contributing writer. Contributing writers get many perks, including this awesome community! Message us for more details.
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Throughout my early adult life, I always found myself surrounded by friends; in fact, I was spoiled with many options of who I wanted to invest my time, emotions, and money into. I always assumed that life would be this way because it always proved true. Relocating from my hometown of London, UK, to Chennai, India, brought just as many, if not more, friend options. I constantly had to pick between different events to attend and friendship groups to hang out with. Relocating from Chennai to London was similar as I already had my childhood friends in place but moving from London to San Francisco has been an eye-opener.
I moved here in my late 30s and can equivocally say that I have been here almost a decade, and it saddens me to say that I have not found making friends easy at all. I can count on one hand the people that I would consider friends. And by friends, I mean people I would drop everything for and run to be by their side and vice versa; friendships here have been fleeting, mainly nurtured by everyday situations such as college, work, or proximity. But barely any that I would consider “Ride or Die” friends. I always refer back to long-standing friends who don’t live on the same continent as me when asked about my friends.
What is it about life that makes it harder to make friends as an adult?
I have often wondered why we don’t have the time to invest in relationships like we did as kids. Is it because life takes over? Because families come into play, and we are no longer single entities responsible for nobody but ourselves? This surely cannot be the sole reason; people have always had families and have always been able to maintain relationships. Is it because we have become more selfish as people? I have spent some time pondering this newfound inertia I have when making friends and have concluded that it is simply because we choose not to. I have been guilty of not showing up to things just because I’m so exhausted. Life is tiring; parenting is tiring, and adulting is tiring. And when we have to try to maintain relationships, sometimes it’s too much to do. What if we could walk into a group of people and strike up a friendship that could almost be considered a one-night stand? Imagine if friendships came with no strings attached, no expectations that you would call in the morning, and just remained a night of great companionship that you didn’t have to nurture. That would leave us seriously lacking as well. Some friendships are instantaneous, and some take time. Having anything that didn’t last more than one encounter just wouldn’t be able to be defined as a friendship.
So, what do we do when we get older and find ourselves in more need of friends and social outlets, but also with less free time to make it happen? If you have any ideas, please share them with me, as I haven’t been able to figure them out.
Editor’s Note: We at SFBAM love friendships! Join us at events in and around the Bay Area or connect here by becoming a contributing writer. Contributing writers get many perks, including this awesome community! Message us for more details.
