Boundaries can be physical (like closed doors in our rooms and apartments), or emotional (like saying no to your child who wants you to play one more game today when all you want to do is lie in bed).
They can be easy to communicate (like when the bus closes the doors at the stop and the automatic recording is on) or hard to say because we don’t want to offend or hurt someone else by our choice.
There are countless books and resources, and they all come down to these steps:
Establishing boundaries
It is the first step in claiming the rest you deserve. This step requires you to know what you want and need to feel rested and filled with the right energy to thrive.
Knowing that 7 am meetings are way too early for your brain to provide rational thoughts, and you are much more present and focused at 9 am.
To start, ask yourself: What is draining or stressing me out?
The answer is an area where you might need to either establish a new boundary or reassess how the existing one is doing.
Communicating your boundary with others
The second step is sharing with others so they know what your “fence” looks like, where it starts and ends, how high it goes, and in what circumstances you will enforce it.
Because people DO NOT read your mind, and if you don’t say what you need, they won’t know. That is a fact.
To take this step, ask yourself:
1. Who needs to know about this boundary?
2. What will I do if they try to breach my boundary?
For example, communicating to your partner/friend/family that you don’t appreciate their inappropriate “jokes” and will leave the room or not even come to the next gathering if they continue using those. Not because you don’t love them but because you need them to understand there are consequences to their actions.
Enforcing your boundary
The third step is sticking with the decision you made and communicated.
Because if you don’t – people will know that you are just talking, and they can walk over to you anytime they wish.
Enforcing is a challenging practice. However, it is worth the initial discomfort you will feel.
For example, if someone invites you for that early-a$$ meeting and that is the only option they give you – do you have to attend? That’s when you must ask yourself: Is it critical, and if yes – can I suggest another time that might work for the other party?
You decide if your sleep is as important as what they say.
Or whether leaving the room as you promised when your friend continues ignoring your requests to stop with the stup!d jokes that are more hurtful than funny is the way to go on.
Maintenance
Boundaries are not laws set in stone. They can and will shift, evolve, and change with you, with your needs and the environment.
The final step is regularly assessing how your boundaries are doing.
You can ask yourself whether:
- You need them the way they are.
- The right people are in the loop about them.
- The enforcement is working it’s magic.
You can be in control!
Your boundaries can look completely different when you think about your job/business, family, social commitments, health, food, exercise, and other areas of your life.
You choose to say YES or to say NO to what you need.
You deserve Rest and to be heard!
The emotional nature of most of our boundaries makes it harder to establish, communicate, and most importantly, maintain and enforce getting support from your favorite Rest Coach can be crucial to moving the needle in your life and self-care practice!
So, what boundary will you enforce today?
Reach out directly at www.Rest.Coach or email me at AR@rest.coach with your questions.
