No one’s ever ready for what parent life brings no matter how much we prepare. Bringing humans into this world is serious business, but along that serious journey, we can also expect for some humor. In honor of Father’s Day, I’ve asked the fathers of the SF Bay Area to give me their top 10 DOs and DON’Ts they would want future fathers to know. There was a lot of serious feedback and a lot of hilarious feedback provided. I decided to share the feedback that touches on the early stages of being a father and a partner. I couldn’t use all the great advice, but for the soon-to-be daddies, I compiled a short light-hearted humorous list for your reading enjoyment. Thank you to all the fathers that participated. Happy Father’s Day to you all – the mama bears thank you for your efforts!
In no particular order of importance:
- Do go to all OB appointments, baby check-ups, and any lactation consultation appointments.
Don’t complain about your back pain due to sitting in the uncomfortable hospital chairs while at these appointments to your very pregnant partner.
- Do realize that your partner’s female anatomy is powerful enough to push a human being out of it!
Don’t comment on her female anatomy after birth.
- Do feel free to ogle every once and a while at her after birth double D boobs with a wink and a smile.
Don’t ogle her now double D boobs every time she takes them out to feed the baby.
- Do invite friends and family to visit your new addition at home after first week of birth.
Don’t invite friends to visit you at hospital right after birth. It is not the best time for surprise visits from friends who have wives that happen to be fitness models.
- Do take daily walks with her after birth to aid in recovery.
Don’t make any comments during walks about how your friend’s wife got back in shape in less than 6 weeks via OrangeTheory fitness or any other fitness program.
- Do provide a hand in laundry, cooking and washing dirty dishes!
Don’t disregard cleaning instructions and use liquid dish soap as a lazy substitute for the dish detergent for the dish-washing machine.
- Do request a night out with the boys with a signed permission slip that you can tape to refrigerator to refer back to if Mama Bear decides to go back on approval.
Don’t do any boys night out unless you give her 7 days notice, help 5 hours prior to departure of residence, and allow her to sleep for a few hours uninterrupted before you leave.
- Do change your baby’s diapers, for the dads with daughters – wipe front to back!
Don’t be afraid of looking and smelling for poop, as it will now be a daily ritual.
- Do hide in bathroom when you are looking for a break. Say it’s #2, and you will have time to catch up on a few shows on your device.
Don’t complain that Social Media always ruins your shows since you’ll both now always be behind a couple weeks. Yes, we know Jon Snow is still alive now. Thanks Facebook.
- Do exercise patience with your partner and the grandparents. Remember she has just pushed a human being out of her female area, and the grandparents may be your new roommates/babysitters.
Don’t forget to keep beer replenished in refrigerator for times when extra energy is needed to exercise patience.
