It’s 5 pm, and you’re in the middle of making dinner. One of your kids is working on homework and intermittently needs your help. You have to pick your oldest up soon, and your youngest needs something every other minute, including a snack… even though he can clearly see dinner is on the stove.
When you tell him no, he can’t handle it and becomes very dysregulated.
Chaos swirls all around you, and you can feel yourself getting worked up.
This is a scenario that has played out in my home more times than I can count. Swap in different details depending on your kids’ ages, and I’m guessing you can relate to at least part of it.
Something I’ve been learning as my kids grow and as I’ve been growing as a parent is this: few situations actually require an immediate solution.
Let me explain.
For a long time, I felt the need to intervene right away in my kids’ conflicts or behavior. Why? Because I felt unsettled. I felt uncomfortable. I just wanted to get through the moment and out of the chaos as quickly as possible.
But then I started asking myself a different question:
“Can I be okay even when my kids are not?”
If I’m honest, a lot of the time my answer was no.
That became a problem. Because if my kids aren’t okay and I’m not okay, the chaos only grows in our home.
That question led me to another one I come back to often:
“What is going on in me when my children are behaving this way?”
It’s easy to place all the blame on our kids, but what if we’re adding to the chaos?
Our quick, sharp responses.
Our impatient directions.
Our lack of empathy in the moment.
Life is busy. Our homes are full of energy, needs, and noise. But we can be the ones who bring calm. We can be the ones who bring peace.
How we respond matters.
So the next time you’re in a moment that feels chaotic, pause.
Ask yourself, “What’s happening in me?”
You might be surprised by what comes up in your heart and mind.
Take a few deep breaths. Invite your child to take a few with you.
